Sunday, April 15, 2007
.. bits of the whole ..
keep with me .. close .. and follow what your heart reveals and not what your mind says
if i attempt to live my life as my own, and not want for what my neighbor has - this is good. for always wishing for what belongs to another can be heart breaking.
if i honor life and do not take it from another - then again, this is good. not for the sake of being good, but for the sake of avoiding the results of what would be sure to come. shame, guilt, fear, loneliness.
each of the four takes me from my created self. each act as a yoke upon my neck - keeping me trapped in a body i'd rather discard than claim. if i understand that i am called to life and living. how then shall i live? how then can i live?
how else can i escape bondage, but by forgiveness?
what rolls over and over - what never lets up - are memories from times past. who could offer forgiveness to me that would put an end to what has been present for longer than my past remembered.
this - is - where - i find the Holy Spirit working - it moves through me in a way that i am challenged to be better. to figure out, claim my brokenness for brokenness - come to place that i am ready for forgiveness.
i have circled unaware of relief for so many years, and finally when i drive - i am driving in the moment and not reliving every regret of my life. every confused moment that came from something i could have done differently if i new it was wrong to begin with...
short - i know - not even sure of its relevance to you - to me - i am starting to see God as God and not some boxed up gimmick.
but - without denial - it does feel good to be free. to be blameless. to know if i walk in kindness, gentleness, patience, love, all the good and glorious things of the Spirit that i -am- ok. i am acceptable. that mistakes and heartbreak will come over and over, but i can stand supported in my best and not defeated by my broken self.
mercy to those of us who believe in forgiveness, not by our works - but by our faith that forgiveness exists for our deepest faults.