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Monday, April 25, 2011

cc2011:? Where am I


though the Monday's passed and i felt the sting ~ still i sat silent. i am debating on how I will go about the missing Monday's. i think I will likely go back and place an * asterisk * by my title just so we can, i can feel somewhat redeemed and within my own standard of integrity.

writing a blog ... is a very revealing, open process. or is it? i think when i thought of putting this project out i thought of education centered along this one focus ~ compassion. as i put my toe into the vast basin i became covered with the idea that i wanted my compassion to spill over. i am no great scholar or instrument of instruction, just someone learning and applying to life. so what may have been originally a very neat & kept idea became more. . .

so. i am pretty private - and when things were swimming along i felt open and revealing. when life became uncertain and truly reflective i retreated.

intimacy is this amazing little jewel. despite the fact we have friends there are few we can truly be vulnerable with. i am blessed and thankful beyond measure for what has been formed between my mentor and i. for 50 minute hours i am the focus. my emotions, my concerns, my whatever comes to my mind.

i have become comfortable being the center of that conversation and lately i have become mindful of how little i, we? explore with others. in the race to keep up with our children, our jobs, our passions ~ true reflection in the mist of another is so . . . difficult to come by.

i guess i wasn't willing to be out there - just processing though what i was struggling with - for all those who pass by to read. i wasn't willing either - to just write for writing sake. i have been suffering in ways that the notion of setting all of it aside in order to accomplish this task every Monday seemed . . . i don't know ~ incongruent with me and this project.

baby. baby. baby. boundaries. and that is ~ what i suppose i had ~ just the other day i was talking to someone about commitments we made prior to full knowledge and understanding. we make commitments & we hold on to them despite our suffering, sometimes for the good and sometimes to our detriment ~ time is our truth teller.

signing off & glad to have checked in.

ps. i am super excited about a project i have planned for myself for the summer. i am going to do some visual journaling ~ 6 weeks. curious of the insight that will come.

♥ peace ♥