free to be me

 ~ swept by the wind ~

~ where it blew there i went ~

~ over and over i tumbled and twirled ~   

i have a lot of compassion for times when we struggle with our boundaries.  when we know there is a line to be drawn but we aren't sure how to do it.  making the decision of when to speak and when to be silent is difficult and tedious.  so much that frustrations can flair and feelings can be hurt.

people in the position of authority not being comfortable with authority is a mishap ready to happen.  how many times have we witnessed or heard of a boss spiking their voice or slamming their files?  those floating through may wonder - was it really that big of a deal?  people on the receiving end are likely so caught off guard they haven't stopped to wonder, but instead are reacting.  whether we wear our emotions on the inside or outside, withstanding a side-swipe blow requires a moment to regroup.    

all the wonderful ways we can say perhaps.  possibly.  as it may be.  as the case may be.  conceivably.  feasibly.  for all one knows.  imaginably.  it may be.  maybe.  perchance.  reasonably.. 

i'd like to suggest that like me & you, others are likely doing their best.  i can say - for a long time i was not comfortable being the authority of me.  that when i wanted to say no I'd say maybe.  when i meant probably i'd say yes.  i got myself into all kinds of trouble simply not speaking my mind.  unfortunately, the problem with speaking our minds is.. not knowing what our minds are all about.

i am going to make mistakes, i am going to hurt feelings.  discovering my mind will take time, but eventually i'll not be so with the wind.  i will.  in fact.   be safe and complete.  a most wonderful and curious design.  Shalom

and the direction is set :)

not everyone in the world is blogging ~ i know this, but i had a conversation with someone this weekend (wink to you) that had happened across my blog that writes one of her own & i received some solid guidance.   we do nothing alone, i am reminded daily.

i feel so blessed - so thankful for thoughts and guidance.  i used to feel lost in life, as if i was in the blackness of night.  now ~ i am feeling a different sort of lost, more of a which way.  all ways lead to the next step, but what step is most suited to me and my circumstance now?

i am finding my blogging voice, and surely once it is found, i will then be after voice lessons (smile) ha!  for now i think i feel comfortable about the near future and what is waiting in 2011.  i never really wanted a heavy, deeply philosophical blog.  i can get there - but there is a lot of pressure, writing my thoughts and just letting it flow definitely sounds easier & much more readable.

most of the time when i do my pieces they start about 4 times the size that actually gets published.  condensed.  in our fast paced world - condensed is good, but i am thinking another way - quick and too the point.

if Finding Compassion was about snippets of my day - little aha's that occur along my way - then still we would be seeking ~ thinking ~ being more mindful about our experiences.  and this ~ definitely works for me.

thanks for the input, the feedback :)  my tight spot has certainly opened up ~

small sanctuary

i've been blog hoping & have realized pictures are fun!  i'm not quite sure about rights yet, so until i have a little more time to research what i can and can't do - i'll be using what is around me.

i'd like for this little box to symbolize a way of making change.  a way to look at the process of making a commitment.  i've been so rash in my days ~ making huge steps and announcements all at once & then after the dust settles wondering where am i again?

we all have different gifts and it is personal responsibility that keeps the energy reserves ready.  in fact, i am deciding in the small of my heart what my desire for this blog will be ~ in this sanctuary i am going to find my footing.  and from that footing we will leap...

integrity is accomplished by intentional steps, so investigating the different directions is important.  i'm fairly sure i'll be exploring a different theme per month, but i'm not sure if i should be writing a series of letters, or creating assignments, or reflecting on readings i have found???

at any rate - i hope you enjoyed my little butterfly box.  i invite you to be considering change for yourself.  in some area of your life - start making some plans and experimenting with some small steps.

Don't forget to respond to my November 1st entry ..

I say Compassion ↔↕↔ You say ...

Thanks!!

Lord - should i be on the rocks, let me find my placement.. help me out of this tight spot - i'm stuck and i have barely started.

Sameness

take a moment to study the two comments left this week regarding compassion:
1) Compassion is recognizing, encouraging and listening when no one else does
2) Compassion is praying to exchange - bear a child's sickness so that the child can be well.


so, recognition and martyrdom?  looking at the original meaning of martyr - you would come across the word witness.

i found that interesting.  that we have two seemingly independent thoughts and yet they harken back to the notion of being present and committed.  the friend to be with another, and the mother there with her child until the child returns to health.


i love wisdom.  even too - wisdom means deep understanding, realizing.


to be deeply understood?


to be realized - witnessed?


i kept my eyes from being flooded, but certainly i felt myself being swept into a moment.  many moons have passed since i last set in their seats, but i had a thought i can't be leading community without being fully exposed to a community - and so, i returned.


i was listening - singing to the opening song, Chris Tomlin's "Indescribable."  the colors of fall, the fragrance of spring - placing stars, giving the sun its source.  as i listened to the words i was struck by the compassion - the witness - the deep understanding, and that is nice - that God is so big He can handle the big things.  i think what caught me off guard was the last bit about seeing the depths of my heart and He loves me the same.


that He, the big that handles the big, sees into the depths of me *and* still he loves me the same. just prior i was aware of how overly exposed i felt.  i manage myself pretty well one - to - one, but you add a few more and a few more after that...


it wouldn't matter if it wasn't so important.  i know i can't manage my faith alone.  i know i need a community to temper my convictions and beliefs, but it is difficult to be known.


if you are like me, there have been times when trying to explain my heart was like ~ trying to lay map work for a newly discovered cave system.  impossible. 


sometimes we just feel so deeply about something and yet from where the emotions spring is unintelligible.  emotions just are at times, unexplainable - indescribable.


compassion is being witness - is being present and willing for the exchange.  you're sad - i'm sad with you.  you're blessed - i'm blessed with you.  


at glance, mirrored - the same.  i challenge to say there is more, for where there was sadness, so too was there loneliness & isolation, by adding one there is now accompaniment.  


where there was a blessing, there was opportunity for it to be missed, passed over, but when there is another - the other offers sanction, validation.  


the magic of this facet, this face of compassion is by not changing anything, in fact~ by being the same, everything is different.  it is the art of availability, no real action required.






Lord - keep with me and i with You, make me strong and wise to where I am weak.  to be merely in Your presence, quiet and available - i am changed by Your sameness.

Video: knots to nice ~ visual

i am stepping out of my comfort zone certainly by posting a video entry ~ but.. i'm visual & i am sure others are too.

by pressing play you'll see the verbal & visual representation of 11-08-10's from knots to nice.  i literally begin by reading my blog entry, but mid-way through I switch gears and add a little behind the scenes???  in fact, i think it is funny that the nostalgic science fair 'pops' up, no pun intended (you'll have to watch to see what i mean - hee! @ 2:45 if you can't wait and want to jump - fast forward)

whatever it is, it is my debut ~ :)

you'll have an opportunity to watch me be me :)

enjoy!

Lord - if not for the digit pointing toward CC2010 in the end, and my - wait! what! crap! its CC2011, i would likely procrastinate on my posting.  when would i ever randomly pick up my paper and have it placed before the lens in a more perfect way?  i am releasing my quest for perfection & opting for progress, simply moving ahead.  Thank You for being with me, for my wonder and discontent.  

from knots to nice...

certainly i was manic ~ all excited about letting my blog out of the proverbial "bag."  imagining the traffic, the responsibility of who would pass by and how would i respond.  still wondering in the back of my mind - am i capable, am i centered, am i really the person to be putting out this project. 

so there i was

my bold move

putting out a November 1st entry, not just here - but on my facebook?  was i crazy!!  i mean ~ i seriously pecked and prodded those words together, over and over thinking how i wanted to write clear so to guide the participation, generate some sort of directional data (aka. wisdom).

guess what.


nothing.


faithfully - Friday is my day to meet with Lentz, my mentor.  knowing i had taken up our last hour with talk about CC2010 (Compassion Challenge 2010), i told him, with a smile on my face, that not a soul answered my inquiry.  my smile came from the little girl inside - like telling my daddy that i didn't win the prize, that in fact - it wasn't even noticed. 

it is difficult being vulnerable, having an idea and putting it out there.  i was making some huge assumptions that the next year between my Mentor and I  would be filled with nothing but.  and so, just this past Friday we talked about the project, same project as the Friday prior, but this time - i sat with a wanting to still be loved despite my idea, instead of being loved for my idea. 

to absorb what is right with this and not what is missing is part of the project.  i am after compassion - with all my wiley ways (smile)..

so despite the fact my heart broke just a little, i know - like a bone, as it grows back, it is ever stronger than before.

Lord - that Your days are enough to bring me to my knees - that i never forget where my true comfort resides.  my heart, j.

I say Compassion ↔↕↔ You say ...

I say Compassion

You say ...

↕↔↕↔↕↔↕↔↕↔↕↔↕↔↕↔↕↔↕↔↕

STOP

Consider Your Response

↕↔↕↔↕↔↕↔↕↔↕↔↕↔↕↔↕↔↕↔↕

consider/identify your response/thoughts to the word compassion.

You may choose to respond by describing your thoughts in a single word:  similar to the game we would play as children.  I say red, you say .. blue? I say compassion, you say ??

You may choose to respond by providing a picture: “When i think of Compassion I picture my mother putting a band-aid on my skinned up knee.” 

You may choose to describe a sound: “Compassion makes me think of someone offering these words - You are not alone."

You may choose to describe an action: "I have compassion when i remember to say please and thank you."

How you choose to respond is as unique as you, meaning ~ anything that comes to your mind is wanted for wisdom.   In fact, ☼ please ☼ gift this project with your written response.  Click "post a comment" below  (Thanks so much!!)

Lord ~ Please allow my request to be clear, that each person who happens across this place in the project feel part of the project - prompted to be as authentic and spontaneous as possible.  Looking for Your Wisdom thru others Lord..  Amen.