certainly i was manic ~ all excited about letting my blog out of the proverbial "bag." imagining the traffic, the responsibility of who would pass by and how would i respond. still wondering in the back of my mind - am i capable, am i centered, am i really the person to be putting out this project.
so there i was
my bold move
putting out a November 1st entry, not just here - but on my facebook? was i crazy!! i mean ~ i seriously pecked and prodded those words together, over and over thinking how i wanted to write clear so to guide the participation, generate some sort of directional data (aka. wisdom).
guess what.
nothing.
faithfully - Friday is my day to meet with Lentz, my mentor. knowing i had taken up our last hour with talk about CC2010 (Compassion Challenge 2010), i told him, with a smile on my face, that not a soul answered my inquiry. my smile came from the little girl inside - like telling my daddy that i didn't win the prize, that in fact - it wasn't even noticed.
it is difficult being vulnerable, having an idea and putting it out there. i was making some huge assumptions that the next year between my Mentor and I would be filled with nothing but. and so, just this past Friday we talked about the project, same project as the Friday prior, but this time - i sat with a wanting to still be loved despite my idea, instead of being loved for my idea.
to absorb what is right with this and not what is missing is part of the project. i am after compassion - with all my wiley ways (smile)..
so despite the fact my heart broke just a little, i know - like a bone, as it grows back, it is ever stronger than before.
Lord - that Your days are enough to bring me to my knees - that i never forget where my true comfort resides. my heart, j.
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