copy - paste : sold out

ok.

in a piece of quiet..

sold out..

i don't know why this type of stuff falls on my mind - but i am so deathly afraid of commitment to the wrong person, the wrong field of study, the wrong job, the wrong future, the wrong whatever i have forgotten...

ever afraid of the life God has for you..?

it was the last few lines of an email that struck me, caused a recall of yesturday; about things that have been set in motion since before now, and how best do i keep from distractions & if i am successful - how long will i suffer for completion? and in completion, will my desires have changed so much, i'll not recognize myself...

traditions of a compliant belief.. that we can be touched but still living on the surface, being in service, but losing ground everyday...

you have a lineage, a foundation surrounding you that has been given without you having to ask - in fact - despite your lack of asking (smile)..

whats that about.. i keep wanting to ask what i know can't be an email discussion, what i know has nothing to do with me & can only be solved in some moment yet to come for you.

yesturday - last night - it was loud until i turned my attentions else where - that i can run all day from His hand, but on occation & it can be in the middle of life happening, i am captured and i get an overwhelming desire to be engulfed .. pushed past where i can imagine ..

something makes me drop, and completely unsatisfied with day to day.. there is something about the energy associated with being sold out.. something far from broken heartedness..

"God's Best"

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Why wait - When you can have God's Best Now!! (smile) DAY 2 Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight. it was really cool this morning. mom said.. 'here read this..' and so i did & it was a devotional, dated for today, about a single person not being pressured into serving the world, on the world's time. that the clock was ticking & if this girl wanted a man, a family - that she better right then - be involved.. the moral of course, she waited and was given God's Best. i think the devotional gave the wrap up like hope was a man, but why is that.. really.. why, as a christian culture, do we tend to associate God's Best with being human.. no wonder in my years, as i have waited (without patience) and wanted (immediate gratification) for God's Best, that i have continually found myself weary, exhausted and lost. i have been looking for God's Best in a man, and further out - a feeling i had for a man.. and isn't the heart deceptive above all things? wouldn't it make more sense to think, God's Best (His very Best!) can only be given as Himself, His Son, and His Holy Spirit. wow! so thats a huge thought, how simple can it be.. how can God's Best, at any stretch, really equal a man - when man is so imperfect. but jenni.. (yes, i am talking to myself).. what about the partner God would have for us, the waiting on God's timing, how would that work? how about.. if we are to include a life partner, then still maybe we could think about a shift being made. that the idea of God's Best could be better understood as - what is created as the result of His children loving one another. a place, a space, that would allow both to continue a relationship with His Best (Him) (smile). and again - when has The Best ever been second? the Best is First and Foremost.. and so it makes sense to me, that because man is so far from first, he can never be what God would term His Best. so, in this moment, i understand - if i keep the relationship with my Creator first - that if i keep my heart focused on His Best, then i am no longer waiting, i am living.. alive even.. Daddy God... You offer what i desire most - .devotion, undivided time, lasting love.