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Monday, February 28, 2011

cc2011:9 Who Knew

hard to believe Monday is again here.  I thought when i first began writing on this little blog that Monday's would not be enough ~ but then ~ in the middle of the semester it is most certainly . . . enough.

if there was an audio to my blog you would hear me humming ~ doing a review of the week, wondering o' wondering what will i write.

what was my struggle this week - i am still riding off the new knowledge that my daughter and i are two different colors/types ~ and really, i have been laughing a lot more and just taking a few more breaths in the middle of things not going according to [my] plan.  small steps ~ intentional and plenty. . .

so i decided on my theoretical orientation, hope this wasn't a subject i covered two Monday's ago ~ but mainly this orientation idea is my main filter right now.  the motivation behind picking an orientation is developing a framework, foundation from which to ground oneself in therapy.  meaning, when i hear what i hear, i will know how to place it in the big picture.

i have settled on Gestalt ~

ever heard the statement: we are more than the sum of our parts.  i likely have said this countless times, who knew how closely my natural inclination matches up with this theory.  when meeting someone new to counseling/therapy there is always a moment of intense anticipation and anxiety.  partly the reason we don't want to go is because being known, or at least the process of being known is so involved.

i am a firm believer we don't have to seek out our past, because our past comes seeking for us (smile).  if we broke ourselves down in a million pieces we could compare and contrast our parts, but really it wouldn't tell us much about the total picture.  in fact - i saw this puzzle box at the store the other day - and depending on how you arrange the different color pieces you can make several very distinct pictures.  it reminded me of us ~ that we can come from different and similar places, but what is truely relevant is our awareness of today.

who am i today & what parts of myself do i need to know better ~ in order to feel better.

it puts a smile on my face ~ the opportunity of meeting all the selves who will pass through my therapy doors ~ who knew something as sweet would be my life's work.

have a wonderful week!!

Monday, February 21, 2011

cc2011:8 The clarity of colors

just when i needed it . . . i tell you!!

our children ~ those whom we raise ~ that are a direct reflection of us??? are you kidding me.  my daughter is a ball of energy, and granted i was too, but i had this little governor called people pleasing - hee! looking back, i'm not sure if i ever got that much out of hand.  my little girl on the other hand (because we have two) is resilient as they come . . . sounds so good ~ until ~ she sits like she is unaffected by the coach, and the teacher, and the other children's disapproval. . .

but do you know what i read ~ something about how she is an 'orange' & how these children are bursting with energy & their response to when they get in to trouble is "is it really that big of a deal, i mean ~ did anyone really get hurt." 

what a relief~ and i thought she had a problem with authority!! ha!  i have to remind myself she is only 8, but insights like this really help me dig in & love her more ♥

i actually went & bought some open baskets for her room ~ the perfect fit for her book shelf.  i have been in a frenzy trying to get all the Barbies & Pet Shop's in order for her arrival this evening. 

like i said - i am traveling like madd to get this degree finished, so i hope this will help her know how much i love her!!

that said - no more time for blog today!!

wish i could write more, be a little more coherant but it is off to watch my little fish swim before i head onto the road . . . thank you Books on CD ~ you keep me company :)

Monday, February 14, 2011

cc2011:7 Love what is different & unique about you ♥

well.. it was a party week filled with puzzles & board games, yahtzee's and movies (smile) ~ what more could i ask!! 36 is Ok with me ♥

one of my very thoughtful gifts was a stack of questions we would either ask family or friends around the table; wondering now what the difference is at times..  but one question popped up twice, though i dared not sway the conversation ~ how would you answer the following:

How are you Different from everyone else?


i have to admit i had a range of responses to this one.  it is often times the feeling of being different that can lead to isolation and loneliness, but then the idea of being the same doesn't seem altogether joyful either.

instead - i followed the trail of my thoughts ~ the uniqueness of me.  how am i unique?  we all contain parts and pieces of another but how we choose to order our personal descriptions, the colors of our identity ~ conceivably is the unique, the something i would add.

there is a concept of figure and groundfigure being what easily comes to mind ~ the priority of our conscious, and ground being what is hidden and tucked away in the unconscious.  i must say ~ my ground must be fairly full . . . because when i thought about how i would answer this question i wasn't sure how to describe myself in a way that would be different from others around the table.  

i thought though the idea of saying something positive about myself, but how exactly would i say something positive without somehow conveying negative about the other.  i could say i am "positive" but then what would that be saying about the rest of the table??? see what i am getting at here.

what is something about me that is different - yet - maybe, neutral?  because i wouldn't want to say something negative about myself . . . like - for instance, at times i feel paralyzed when forgetting to button up, leaving myself & my sensitivities open to the cold air of susceptibility (smile).. no way!!  that defeats the purpose of a vulnerability shield!! hee!

so . . . perhaps i might just say ~ i am different from most everyone else in that i have choosen to pull this quality from my ground . . . i like the smell of cow poop!  

i wish you could hear my giggle ~ but ~ clearly, this is my best option at least for right now.  it is a way of describing something unique to me that likely no one else wants.

anyway!!  would love to hear all the bizaare little ~ different ~ things about you :)

have a wonderful Valentine's & Love what is different & unique about you ♥

Monday, February 7, 2011

cc2011:6 Find Compassion Here

Wow!!  so.  i have one night at home during the week & then my weekends which are totally filled with homework & family time!! wondering now where i thought time was going to spring from..

first post of February ~ the month of love & the month of my birth ~ yip-ee!!

i have rolled over this title ~ finding compassion ~ and really right now ~ i hope that you will find compassion here.  i'm not clear about teaching compassion because really i'm not the authority & though i read lots still my thoughts are jumbled and still working themselves out.

i have had a ton of time for self-reflection in the last week and i thought many, many times i wanted to blog what it was i was learning for myself - in hopes, it would help you to learn for yourself.

it isn't the most upbeat turn, but i do want to share my most recent inspired tangent - ha!!  i want to open a discussion about how all of this works.   keeping friendships require a lot of intention, like even when we don't feel like getting on the phone, we get on the phone.  i use that example because i am not a multi-tasker so when i am talking i am sitting & when my (our) hours are so few it is hard to devote time to friendships.

hard, but necessary.

that said - unless we are gifted with the ability to manage multiple relationships on some sort of authentic level - some friendships will just fade away.

during the fade is the hard part, especially when the relationship isn't balanced.  like one loves the other more.  as expected one would then recognize the fade more.

i have definitely been the girl who chased after and held on to relationships way past the expiration date, and perhaps this is why i have taken time to really think out this topic.

i know the word projection came to mind.  it is a defense mechanism that leads us to place our emotions on to another person.  for instance, i may be terribly upset about something and instead of acknowledging this as my unique response i might rush to the other person seeking some sort of closure.  this can certainly lead to a moment when the other is looking at me in the most bizarre way!! ha!! oh yes i have been there...  such a grueling spot at times ♥

i know for the vast majority of our friendships ~ the ones that make up our acquaintances, and even our close acquaintances ~ can fade without any sort of bumb.  possibly because acquaintances can wither & re-bloom pretty unexpectedly and all of those moments can be chalked up to the seasons.

when though - the friendship is more long standing or a relationship that has shared intimacy many moons over ~ the wither & re-bloom can be pretty difficult, at least for me.

i know we are not to covet relationships, but it just doesn't seem right to fade without a proper farewell until next time.

if it was an angry thing ~ then at some level that is the defining moment ~ but when love fades it is vague and for me . . . difficult.

so i'm not referring to just one situation in my life, but many all wrapped into one little blog post.  at some level, i guess i just want to acknowledge friendships can be sticky, especially the ones we share within our own gender.  if it was a man i might (sorry) not give it another thought & if i did it would expire, but my girl-friends ~ my heart connections ~ its just hard.

am i making sense at all??

hope the day is great!!