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Sunday, January 6, 2008

Managing My Angel

i thought i might show a pic that de'pic'ted how i feel some of the time... its the trying to raise an upright young lady growing to a woman of integrity pic (hee!)

i know i look a little nuts, but i feel a little nuts sometimes. partly the reason i calmly tell my daughter (dtr) to.. "step away, mommy needs some quiet time or she is going to blow." it's important to be honest how one is feeling after dropping a 'peanut butter smeared piece of bread' on my pants 5 minutes before walking out the door, on a monday (of course).

i remember back in the day, asking an acquaintance how she was doing with her new baby (when i had a new baby) & she always said, "great." i remember thinking, "really, cause i am exhausted and don't venture outside much because i don't know what i am doing~"
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Wednesday, January 2, 2008

Oh my gosh, I'm not messy?

i am clutter, or at least i've been clutter, mostly a mess - mostly. this is a mostly unless it is the sometimes i go to organize and everything is beautiful.

i was watching an Discovery Home show called Neat & it was the "Messy Maria" episode. You, Maria are my inspiration to love myself. turns out she was a visual learner. anything out of sight was out of mind, and so she had to keep most of her stuff out for fear she would run out and buy more.

i actually have started some of the things the host did for Maria & surprisingly it was working, but i didn't know why. like my scrap stuff ~ its all in see thru boxes & my pantry is all open (really they are big plastic shelving like the ones one might put in the garage). my plate & glass cubbies are always open, could this be why - because it makes me feel better to see what i have..

very interesting. why i have started a million journals, because once thier put away - they feel far away and i must have something new or near, blank ~ it can be old, hand me down spiral bound notebooks - just blank, plenty of wide open space.

nuts! i'm feeling a little flighty right now, like i've been offered a big something about myself tonight.

thanks time ~ that you cuddle me in your minutes!

Tuesday, January 1, 2008

First Day of the New Year

ok. so i made a commitment to get started. here i am - available - what's next? i don't know.

sounds like a brilliant leader, huh? no. not really. i just had my eyes and heart really opened last Good Friday & everything began to take on different shades.

never really considered the question, 'are you saved' as being an "in or out" sort of thing. that by asking i was doing more harm than good.

that's it. so i've been festering this last almost year now, getting more and more wiggly in my seat, skipping church - taking Catholic classes, reading books.. and now - since i've decided to take the semester off from school, i have this bubbling, boiling up and over - screaming sort of feeling inside. i know nothing else but to seek God... who else is big enough, who else will wipe the hair whispers from my wet eyelashes.

i could do a bio (biography) of lots of people in the bible, check my facts and figures, but instead i'm seeking wisdom. seems a little out of my grasp, but i'm after it anyway.