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Thursday, October 19, 2006

to an unknown..

further into isolation?

listen. you have stirred my heart to understand the . more . God desires for me. you. us. His children.

i sit and i am in awe of inspiration, how it comes like a breeze. these words.. these very words are my pursuit towards wholeness and health.

since beginning this journey many yesterdays ago & still i sit at the foot of this mountain to be moved – i would never have understood purity to be such free flowing love. that i would be so fulfilled in safety... that a heart guarded would be a heart growing.

created for intimacy. intimacy grows the woman – man –

intimacy exposes the small details of grace.

there is freedom – water & sky - knowing myself while knowing you.

i have been isolated, afraid of offering the simple parts; the parts of me that ring to sounds of boredom. i kneel & still my knees do not hurt – i find myself moving forward despite myself. the heart of God, the center spirit of me, is showing up in my everyday.

it is the connecting – the process – the discernment - it is beauty as God would have designed it. it is God's truth that gives us rest. scratch this culture's way of defining such delicacies of anything intimate. take your mind from physical touch, but plant your imagination in how your heart touches mine from a million centimeters away.

anticipate – see yourself in freedom - over and over again... intentional tip'toe'ings of foundation isn't to be feared, it is the fruit of friendship happening over and over. hear me. over and over.

face to face – sit with me – connect with me & coupling is somewhere far from here. grow with the trust we will not break one another, but spur each other in our faith..

that we grow to completion – that we give God more than what we started with, that we make good in His investment in us..

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

analog acoustic expression (aka verbal gesturing)

what? and if i were sitting in front of you – you would witness the beginnings of laughter.

and it seems a little off – the fact i would term myself a writer, or at least - i like to write – and choose to blog on this.

but then - there is choice. choice to be hidden, choice to be authentically real.

i am feeling this press to discern for myself – of course inviting you – can a foundation truly develop over cyber space? i sometimes have to catch myself and wonder - where are my boundaries – and do i have them in check?

people intentionally adjust their speech to express emotion, but analog acoustic expression is an unconscious phenomenon used to express more information than the words themselves contain

would i rather trust the "intentional" conscious projection of thought (the premeditated placement of words), or the "can't help but be real" giveaway that comes from watching a person speak?

i think this MySpace thing is an incredible way to network, catch-up, have some entertainment.. but lately – it seems important to pour into trusted sources – saving myself – giving myself to those who encourage – far from discourage my walk.

and so – laughter is good – but i read desperation in some of these blogs, bulletins, whatever is unique and being posted by a sister – a brother –

it is becoming loud – inescapably clear – the blessed nature of friendship. what it feels like to find an old friend, a friend we know, a friend we have sat and had heart to hearts with.. i know this friend by the conviction – the 'beyond a shadow of doubt' that comes from understanding a persons face when i've shared myself before – i don't have to know the content of her/his RE:, but i have to know my friend is interested in order to really grow - share - in cyber conversation. and NO! i can't relax without this affirmation - i've tried!

this is my honest heart null of apologies.

i can project words all day – but does a person know me from that – and when a person tells me, verbally expresses his interest in me – can i trust that. isn't it true that i have only shared what is conscious and obvious about me. has a person considered what about me is secret and never shared?

flip this.. and though you do not know me - i am the kindest heart - imagine the shadow that seeks to destroy your life to feed his own control issues.. if what i choose to hide can never hurt you - but it is still hidden - imagine those things that will take your innocence. guard your heart.

so – this is my charge sister – brother – do not awaken love before its time, no matter loves form – there are many. take note if your heart is seeking for a person, any person's next ABC. be intentional as the written, typed word becomes less and less satisfying – lead yourself into face to face friendship.

my love - jenni