in a piece of quiet..
i don't know why this type of stuff falls on my mind - but i am so deathly afraid of commitment to the wrong person, the wrong field of study, the wrong job, the wrong future, the wrong whatever i have forgotten...
ever afraid of the life God has for you..?
it was the last few lines of an email that struck me, caused a recall of yesturday; about things that have been set in motion since before now, and how best do i keep from distractions & if i am successful - how long will i suffer for completion? and in completion, will my desires have changed so much, i'll not recognize myself...
traditions of a compliant belief.. that we can be touched but still living on the surface, being in service, but losing ground everyday...
you have a lineage, a foundation surrounding you that has been given without you having to ask - in fact - despite your lack of asking (smile)..
whats that about.. i keep wanting to ask what i know can't be an email discussion, what i know has nothing to do with me & can only be solved in some moment yet to come for you.
yesturday - last night - it was loud until i turned my attentions else where - that i can run all day from His hand, but on occation & it can be in the middle of life happening, i am captured and i get an overwhelming desire to be engulfed .. pushed past where i can imagine ..
something makes me drop, and completely unsatisfied with day to day.. there is something about the energy associated with being sold out.. something far from broken heartedness..