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Monday, February 7, 2011

cc2011:6 Find Compassion Here

Wow!!  so.  i have one night at home during the week & then my weekends which are totally filled with homework & family time!! wondering now where i thought time was going to spring from..

first post of February ~ the month of love & the month of my birth ~ yip-ee!!

i have rolled over this title ~ finding compassion ~ and really right now ~ i hope that you will find compassion here.  i'm not clear about teaching compassion because really i'm not the authority & though i read lots still my thoughts are jumbled and still working themselves out.

i have had a ton of time for self-reflection in the last week and i thought many, many times i wanted to blog what it was i was learning for myself - in hopes, it would help you to learn for yourself.

it isn't the most upbeat turn, but i do want to share my most recent inspired tangent - ha!!  i want to open a discussion about how all of this works.   keeping friendships require a lot of intention, like even when we don't feel like getting on the phone, we get on the phone.  i use that example because i am not a multi-tasker so when i am talking i am sitting & when my (our) hours are so few it is hard to devote time to friendships.

hard, but necessary.

that said - unless we are gifted with the ability to manage multiple relationships on some sort of authentic level - some friendships will just fade away.

during the fade is the hard part, especially when the relationship isn't balanced.  like one loves the other more.  as expected one would then recognize the fade more.

i have definitely been the girl who chased after and held on to relationships way past the expiration date, and perhaps this is why i have taken time to really think out this topic.

i know the word projection came to mind.  it is a defense mechanism that leads us to place our emotions on to another person.  for instance, i may be terribly upset about something and instead of acknowledging this as my unique response i might rush to the other person seeking some sort of closure.  this can certainly lead to a moment when the other is looking at me in the most bizarre way!! ha!! oh yes i have been there...  such a grueling spot at times ♥

i know for the vast majority of our friendships ~ the ones that make up our acquaintances, and even our close acquaintances ~ can fade without any sort of bumb.  possibly because acquaintances can wither & re-bloom pretty unexpectedly and all of those moments can be chalked up to the seasons.

when though - the friendship is more long standing or a relationship that has shared intimacy many moons over ~ the wither & re-bloom can be pretty difficult, at least for me.

i know we are not to covet relationships, but it just doesn't seem right to fade without a proper farewell until next time.

if it was an angry thing ~ then at some level that is the defining moment ~ but when love fades it is vague and for me . . . difficult.

so i'm not referring to just one situation in my life, but many all wrapped into one little blog post.  at some level, i guess i just want to acknowledge friendships can be sticky, especially the ones we share within our own gender.  if it was a man i might (sorry) not give it another thought & if i did it would expire, but my girl-friends ~ my heart connections ~ its just hard.

am i making sense at all??

hope the day is great!!


Jackie said...

Makes perfect sense! I have found some friendships to last forever, some to function from long distances, some that I only need call twice a year to maintain, some that take little effort, some that take way too much effort...I think in this short life, it is worth trying to salvage something longstanding but it is also worth letting go depending...Since I am a person that craves for closure, I might check to see if 'the other' is still invested...like "hey, do you feel we are growing apart?" If she says "no" then never calls, I know exactly where I stand and I'm okay with letting that friend go. I will keep the fond memories in my memory book and take what I learned with me. Perhaps it is God's way of opening me up to something new...

jenni said...

change is difficult but i like the image of fond memories being placed in my memory book :) ♥ very sweet!!