cc2011:8 The clarity of colors

just when i needed it . . . i tell you!!

our children ~ those whom we raise ~ that are a direct reflection of us??? are you kidding me.  my daughter is a ball of energy, and granted i was too, but i had this little governor called people pleasing - hee! looking back, i'm not sure if i ever got that much out of hand.  my little girl on the other hand (because we have two) is resilient as they come . . . sounds so good ~ until ~ she sits like she is unaffected by the coach, and the teacher, and the other children's disapproval. . .

but do you know what i read ~ something about how she is an 'orange' & how these children are bursting with energy & their response to when they get in to trouble is "is it really that big of a deal, i mean ~ did anyone really get hurt." 

what a relief~ and i thought she had a problem with authority!! ha!  i have to remind myself she is only 8, but insights like this really help me dig in & love her more ♥

i actually went & bought some open baskets for her room ~ the perfect fit for her book shelf.  i have been in a frenzy trying to get all the Barbies & Pet Shop's in order for her arrival this evening. 

like i said - i am traveling like madd to get this degree finished, so i hope this will help her know how much i love her!!

that said - no more time for blog today!!

wish i could write more, be a little more coherant but it is off to watch my little fish swim before i head onto the road . . . thank you Books on CD ~ you keep me company :)

cc2011:7 Love what is different & unique about you ♥

well.. it was a party week filled with puzzles & board games, yahtzee's and movies (smile) ~ what more could i ask!! 36 is Ok with me ♥

one of my very thoughtful gifts was a stack of questions we would either ask family or friends around the table; wondering now what the difference is at times..  but one question popped up twice, though i dared not sway the conversation ~ how would you answer the following:

How are you Different from everyone else?

 

i have to admit i had a range of responses to this one.  it is often times the feeling of being different that can lead to isolation and loneliness, but then the idea of being the same doesn't seem altogether joyful either.

instead - i followed the trail of my thoughts ~ the uniqueness of me.  how am i unique?  we all contain parts and pieces of another but how we choose to order our personal descriptions, the colors of our identity ~ conceivably is the unique, the something i would add.

there is a concept of figure and ground.  figure being what easily comes to mind ~ the priority of our conscious, and ground being what is hidden and tucked away in the unconscious.  i must say ~ my ground must be fairly full . . . because when i thought about how i would answer this question i wasn't sure how to describe myself in a way that would be different from others around the table.  

i thought though the idea of saying something positive about myself, but how exactly would i say something positive without somehow conveying negative about the other.  i could say i am "positive" but then what would that be saying about the rest of the table??? see what i am getting at here.

what is something about me that is different - yet - maybe, neutral?  because i wouldn't want to say something negative about myself . . . like - for instance, at times i feel paralyzed when forgetting to button up, leaving myself & my sensitivities open to the cold air of susceptibility (smile).. no way!!  that defeats the purpose of a vulnerability shield!! hee!

so . . . perhaps i might just say ~ i am different from most everyone else in that i have choosen to pull this quality from my ground . . . i like the smell of cow poop!  

i wish you could hear my giggle ~ but ~ clearly, this is my best option at least for right now.  it is a way of describing something unique to me that likely no one else wants.

anyway!!  would love to hear all the bizaare little ~ different ~ things about you :)

have a wonderful Valentine's & Love what is different & unique about you ♥

cc2011:6 Find Compassion Here

Wow!!  so.  i have one night at home during the week & then my weekends which are totally filled with homework & family time!! wondering now where i thought time was going to spring from..

first post of February ~ the month of love & the month of my birth ~ yip-ee!!

i have rolled over this title ~ finding compassion ~ and really right now ~ i hope that you will find compassion here.  i'm not clear about teaching compassion because really i'm not the authority & though i read lots still my thoughts are jumbled and still working themselves out.

i have had a ton of time for self-reflection in the last week and i thought many, many times i wanted to blog what it was i was learning for myself - in hopes, it would help you to learn for yourself.

it isn't the most upbeat turn, but i do want to share my most recent inspired tangent - ha!!  i want to open a discussion about how all of this works.   keeping friendships require a lot of intention, like even when we don't feel like getting on the phone, we get on the phone.  i use that example because i am not a multi-tasker so when i am talking i am sitting & when my (our) hours are so few it is hard to devote time to friendships.

hard, but necessary.

that said - unless we are gifted with the ability to manage multiple relationships on some sort of authentic level - some friendships will just fade away.

during the fade is the hard part, especially when the relationship isn't balanced.  like one loves the other more.  as expected one would then recognize the fade more.

i have definitely been the girl who chased after and held on to relationships way past the expiration date, and perhaps this is why i have taken time to really think out this topic.

i know the word projection came to mind.  it is a defense mechanism that leads us to place our emotions on to another person.  for instance, i may be terribly upset about something and instead of acknowledging this as my unique response i might rush to the other person seeking some sort of closure.  this can certainly lead to a moment when the other is looking at me in the most bizarre way!! ha!! oh yes i have been there...  such a grueling spot at times ♥

i know for the vast majority of our friendships ~ the ones that make up our acquaintances, and even our close acquaintances ~ can fade without any sort of bumb.  possibly because acquaintances can wither & re-bloom pretty unexpectedly and all of those moments can be chalked up to the seasons.


when though - the friendship is more long standing or a relationship that has shared intimacy many moons over ~ the wither & re-bloom can be pretty difficult, at least for me.

i know we are not to covet relationships, but it just doesn't seem right to fade without a proper farewell until next time.

if it was an angry thing ~ then at some level that is the defining moment ~ but when love fades it is vague and for me . . . difficult.

so i'm not referring to just one situation in my life, but many all wrapped into one little blog post.  at some level, i guess i just want to acknowledge friendships can be sticky, especially the ones we share within our own gender.  if it was a man i might (sorry) not give it another thought & if i did it would expire, but my girl-friends ~ my heart connections ~ its just hard.

am i making sense at all??

hope the day is great!!