Thursday, June 14, 2007
looking at cards for Father's Day
i made my way to Barnes n' Noble yesturday ("the other day" for those who keep up with time); just strolling around to see what i could see... well, actually looking for a good workbook i could share with others.. ever looked for a good paper guide to empowerment? one that makes you feel better & better able to do the real work needing to be done to make you great?
i saw some stuff - but - not all of us have time to read and read and read & thats what i felt when i sampled some of the available scripts. i know its a task - but i'd love to find something eclectic (something derailing), yet concrete. pleasing to the senses, challenging the brain, obvious & exacting what i am looking for .
and just as i write this - i think -
wait! stay on task - K I S S - (Keep it simple silly!)
so i've peruse'd as much as i could, put the paperbacks back.. headed to the bargain shelves (of course!). winding my way to the front of the store i found daddy books on sale ~ daddy's day is coming ~
that feels good, thinking of mya thinking of her daddy. i start looking at the display that has the paper art cards - the ones that open to a 3D Something - a guy sitting on the chair with a remote, at a game, golfing, fishing (you get the idea).
nothing fitting the mold for mya's dad, but then the thought saved me - wait a minute! this is mya's job.
instead of stressing i continued to walk around the cards. i saw a .. what looked like a young brunette woman, looking a little like me, so maybe a little stringy, messy. she had the typical bubble floating abover her head with a cute little heart in the center - again, drawn in a messy kind of way. the card got me thinkin,' when this messy girl thinks of her dad, she just feels love. maybe her for him, or him for her, or just - when she thinks of anything associated with him - love -
i heard someone laugh, and stood suprised realizing it was me. people - when they feel uncomfortable - sometimes laugh. i felt sqirmmy and out of place, almost like who was i too be standing in this section - the section for girls who feel warm and fuzzy with their dad. how foriegn is that? i've had this man in my life since i was two & i'm thirty-two, and honestly, love really isn't a word i would use to describe our relationship.
knowing the opposite of love isn't really hate, as the world would lead us, but being null, having none. the absence of emotion. hum.. perhaps when thinking of my dad i would have just the typical bubble. smiling me, messy, with a messy little bubble, could that be a cute card too?
i stood there after my laughter & i envisioned actually giving dad a 'bubble heart' card & how uncomfortable that would be. like - how would he feel - surely he would laugh as well, like - what? where did you get this? and not in a mean way - just in a - really foreign - i'm just not getting the connection kind of way.
its funny that in my life - my father, my biological daddy, died when i was just old enough to begin knowing him, loving him. that's my road. my road makes erick - mya's daddy - such a blessing in my life - the way he loves her is so healing for me. watching a daddy hug his little girl like there is no tomorrow, picking her up, brushing her off when she falls from the tree. how beautiful, how exactly like it is suppose to be.
never wonder where my attachment for the Lord comes from. He is my Daddy God. He is the one who tells me how special I am, how His heart breaks when mine does. in fact - more than the sum of my history.