First Day of the New Year

ok. so i made a commitment to get started. here i am - available - what's next? i don't know.

sounds like a brilliant leader, huh? no. not really. i just had my eyes and heart really opened last Good Friday & everything began to take on different shades.

never really considered the question, 'are you saved' as being an "in or out" sort of thing. that by asking i was doing more harm than good.

that's it. so i've been festering this last almost year now, getting more and more wiggly in my seat, skipping church - taking Catholic classes, reading books.. and now - since i've decided to take the semester off from school, i have this bubbling, boiling up and over - screaming sort of feeling inside. i know nothing else but to seek God... who else is big enough, who else will wipe the hair whispers from my wet eyelashes.

i could do a bio (biography) of lots of people in the bible, check my facts and figures, but instead i'm seeking wisdom. seems a little out of my grasp, but i'm after it anyway.

loose tooth

Thursday, December 20, 2007

loose tooth this is a mother in denial. Mya flashes me this big smile before heading to school & i literally said in my head, "i thought Mya had strait teeth." i get to the christmas party & it was my mother (aka. mamaw) & her daddy that give me the heads up. i'm like - wait - what, oh my gosh! i don't have the tooth fairy pillow, i don't have - wait - what is going on here? what are my responsibilities, are you kidding me - Mya is getting ready to loose her first tooth. i look to my mom & she says with a shrug, "well, she is five" oh my gosh. can you believe this - my little baby is losing her first tooth!! ahh! i'm just trying to get thru Santa Surprise & now i have to worry about Tooth Fairy Trouble!!

a Wednesday

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

a Wednesday i feel like i haven't written a blog in a while, not sure if that is true, but surely it feels that way. i am presently completely playing with myspace & facebook. i like facebook. it seems a little bit more ~ less HTML ~ if that makes sense. probably not, especially for those who actually understand HTML, but maybe it is less glittery, but more gamey? i am starting to feel a little boring. i want to raise my girl with some integrity, some goodness about her. some shelter from the harshness of everything. people seem so confused most of the time & even if we think we have it, let me say we don't. just yesterday, i sat in awe ~ i'm listening to a woman i just recently ran 'back into' & she was just so angry and all over the place. jumping into this story of whoa & how she was ready to kick this other woman's ass. i must have zoned out because i just started thinking - how can i help here - anger kills us. if we have no other way to express how we are hurt than by saying we are going to attack another person, who are we? how basic, how primitive. how shall i know i have grown, but by my actions & my word. i just feel this weight, like because i am after compassion & desire transparency even before a G audience ~ . ~ i fear myself boxed up and boring in this world. that my daughter's eyes will turn from mine and seek out other stimulus. i, like any guardian, have this battle before us. if our sights are set, and we are trying to teach our children to be children, and not the broken adults they model after - we must surely examine ourselves and become who we desire our children to be.